Animals & Children – The Jokes Write Themselves

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Animal Jokes

Beware of Dog

Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner.

“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

It’s No Joke!

Do you want to start again? You can start again!

Through a cartoon flash presentation you will see how.

hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

Cross-eyed Rottweiler

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to the vet: “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for it?”

“Well” said the vet “lets have a look at him”

So he picks the dog up and has a good look at it’s eyes.

“Well” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down”

“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.

“No, because he’s heavy” says the vet.

hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

Kids Jokes

Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. “Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?” he asked.

“To make myself beautiful,” said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

“What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”


hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

The Weigh Scale

Two kids went into their parents bathroom and noticed the weigh scale in the corner. “Whatever you do,” cautioned one youngster to the other, “Don’t step on it!”

“Why not?” asked the sibling.

“Because every time mom does, she lets out an awful scream!”

hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

The Earthworm

My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.

“No, honey, he won’t do for bait,” his mother said. “He’s not an earthworm.”

“He’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is he from?”

hr Animals & Children   The Jokes Write Themselves

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